Five things that changed my life

By: Chandra Goswami

Source: Internet

Life changes shape and looks so rapidly that it is difficult to hold back the moments for a long time. Often when we reflect back on life, it feels dizzy to keep note of the flickering incidents. Just think about it; do you remember what you did exactly at 3:45 pm yesterday? Or do you remember how many calls you received last week? Can you recall the exact words you uttered in each of your conversations with people around?

These might sound mundane incidents which we hardly ever bring back to our memory. But while we allow our mind to erase such meagre episodes, we let life happen to us. Life, that recedes out of our hands like the grains of sand.

Our life is the cumulative whole of each of these moments, no matter how mundane they are. What really makes sense of this ever changing existence of humanity is our memory of what we have lived by. In our memory, we may not trap all the details, but there are some rare incidents that last forever. These incidents put a lasting impression on us because of their great emotional value.

For me, these incidents have been the definitive factor that changed my life. I hope you may find some reflection of your life in my experiences

1)    The first achievement

To be frank, during most of my early years in the school, I have been a mediocre student. I remember that it was easy for me to pass preparatory classes. I mean, who doesn’t know how to write alphabets and numerical?

Even before I could utter words properly my parents had taught me three things, English alphabets, numerical till hundred and music notation. But, by the time I came to study BODMAS, I had been tagged as a dull student by my teachers.

I could not mug up the multiplication table no matter how much I tried. I could not do division since I did not remember the table. English was beyond my understanding and since I was weak in the language I could not understand any other subject.

In all this chaos, I somehow managed to pass my fourth-grade with a lot of difficulties. But then it so happened, that one of my teachers showed immense faith in me and chose me to represent my house in inter-house recitation competition. My academic underperformance made me feel less competent in any activity related to memorizing anything.

To my luck, while I somehow managed to remember the poem word-by-word till the end (though I lacked poetic expressions), other students could not complete the recitation at all, because they all faltered. By sheer luck, I won the first price. It was a necessary push to reinstate my confidence. And then there was no looking back.

2)    The growth of rebel

There is always a time in our life when we outgrow the boundaries and limits placed by our family. It is the time when we question their judgement and their idea about life. At least once in our life, we all have lied to our family after breaking a key rule. Drink, cigarette or boys, the rebel beams out at some point or other.

I saw the glimpse of this rebel in me for the first time when I was still in school. It was a strict rule in my family that I would not go to a movie with friends. As such, my constant companion for even the mushiest romantic movies used to be my granny. I had to gulp down all oh and ah, that erupted in the core of my heart seeing actors romancing on the screen, as it would be awkward doing so before an elderly.

Now, this was the time when Mohabattein got released. The movie featured girls wearing skimpiest of dresses by the standards of 90’s and rumour had that there was a full 60-second on-screen kiss by the end of the movie. There was no way I was going to watch the movie with my granny. So, I lied and went to the movie with my friends.

Needless to say, that I had a sleepless night before the movie-date, thinking how I was going to reach the theatre with my friends. But I couldn't sleep after successfully watching the movie either due to my guilt stricken conscience.

The next time I decided to watch a movie with friends, I declared it openly to my family. They understood that I was no more taking their permission. Instead, I was informing them about my decision. I guess it brought home the message I wanted to convey. I was grown up enough to outgrow their parental control button!

3)    Love is not always about getting

Source: Internet

It sounds cliché when we read that love is all about giving.

Practically, when we love someone we expect to get the same in return. And, if by any chance you are deeply and madly in love with someone you’ll know how heart-wrenching it can be. Love is painful even when you are getting it back in ample. Love makes you greedy. You want it more and more. And you complain when you do not get it or even when you do get it.

But all this change the moment you find someone who is ready to love you passionately but you are unable to love that person back. It is equally painful to be loved by someone whom you cannot love in return. This is when you realise that love is not about getting someone to love you madly. It is about you!

It is about how you feel for someone even when that feeling is not reciprocated. Love has nothing to do with the other person it has everything to do with you and your mad hormones, which pushes you towards some people while pulling you away from others.

Love is not always about getting, but it is definitely always about giving up everything that you have for that one person you love.

I think whether you are able to give or get your experience with love is something that you can never forget.  It helps you to grow as a person even after shattering your soul into a thousand pieces. I am sure in your memory lane you also have a similar incidence that you still remember.

4)    The day you step out of your home

The threshold of childhood to youth seems very vague in life, especially when you have over protective parents. They don’t expect much from you. They provide you with a safe castle full of luxury while you throw your tantrums at them. They silently endure your insensitivity thinking you are a kid.

And then the day comes when you decide to move out of the house. My dad had always been against my decision of staying away from home. He was a scared parent like most dads are when their daughters decide to spread the wing and see the world. Like any other youngster, I felt my freedom would get strangulated under the overbearing presence of my family. I wished to discover myself. I thought I was old enough to be living alone in a different city. Soon, I got an opportunity and I was ready to shift to a new city, miles away from my dad.

The realization of being naïve and delicate strikes you for the first time, only when you leave your home. Three months down the line I realized how unprepared I was in this matter. To begin with, there was no Ramu Kaka, Birju driver or for that matter my dad to get me things whenever I asked for. Marketing, cooking and cleaning were my sole responsibilities. There was no granny and mom to take me to the doctor when I felt sick or force feed me when I lay unconscious due to heavy fever.

Now, I had to adjust with the whims and fancy of strangers. I had to accommodate the will of those with whom I shared my room. It pinched to see how much I was ready to agree with outsiders while I quarrelled with parents even on trivial matters.

After a year's separation when it was time to come back home, I was a changed person. I asked my mom to serve me veggies and herbs that she cooked and I would refuse to eat earlier. I became more calm and understanding. I had bought a shirt for my dad with the money I had saved. He looked satisfied with the gift and the consequence. He realised that I had grown up indeed!

5)    Pain is the best teacher you can ever get

Source: Internet

I never thought that my life would be any different from others. I always knew I would have a pretty normal life without any drastic events to make me grow crazy. I had always kept a low profile, worked hard at whatever task was given, mostly abided by the rules and did what society expected me to do. To put it in simple terms “I was a good girl”.

And then suddenly things turned topsy-turvy.

Separation in Indian society is still not taken very encouragingly. I come from a very traditional family and I had no grain in me which suggested that I would have the audacity of walking out of any relationship if my ideologies were compromised. But it so happened that I was forced to go against the society and its norms. During the phase when I was taking such a drastic step, I was hardly thinking about the outcome. The pain of a failed relationship was so strenuous that I felt numb. The survival instinct had kicked in and I decided to move out of the relationship.

When the numbness ebbed, I faced the darkest and gloomiest phase of my life. Shaken confidence, unstable emotion and the absence of hope clouded my thoughts. I was rapidly looming towards depression.

At that time it was my family and the support of my friends who kept me going. Every day was a new battle. I had no reason to get up from sleep but I did. Since even in that wretched state I was the darling of my parents and heart of my friends, it made me put all effort to go on and on… and one day I was back to my normal self.

My pain was my biggest teacher. It helped me to grow as a person and be empathetic towards others.

These five incidents in my life made me who I am. I guess you all have similar incidents in store too. Share that in the comment box below and let us know what incidents changed you or made you the person you are today.

May, light & happiness touch you through every word that you read.

Happy living!