Not another RAPE story!

By: Mehnaz Farooque

Since the number of rapes isn't going down, I think it has become important that at some conscious level, we prepare ourselves.

This one is for the ones who have been raped. The ones who were molested by an elderly person in the family; the ones who were touched inappropriately by maybe a teacher; sexually abused by a husband; or harassed by an elderly woman. This one is for all of us who have survived the indecent stares in public, the harassing texts from a mate, and much more. And of course, this one is for the ones who might face any of the above situations in maybe their own home town, a taxi or even their own room.

There have been many candle light protests, many news room debates on how we can educate the world to not rape. But very few things have been said about how to live after a rape. It is not easy to have been touched without your consent. And while we think the rape is one incident, for the victims, it is a series of unending incidents. That pain and those flashes never go away. A rape murders the very soul of a person in a way that it carries the marks till the end. And no matter if the rapists are hanged, killed or even butchered; it doesn't change how the victim or the survivor feels.  On our part, it is important to talk about it. It is essential to train ourselves from an impending pain that can last forever.  It might sound inappropriate or uncomfortable, but I think it’s necessary. When we can take up self-defense training, we ought to know what we should do if we are being raped!

The safety steps:

a)    Gather yourself and try to reach to a safer place. 

b)    Look for ways to get in touch with a friend or someone close.

c)    Try to reach a medical help ASAP.

d)    Take all the necessary medications against pregnancies and STD

e)    Make sure you contact the police soon.

f)    No matter how hard it is, try to note down whatever you remember about the incident.

g)   Talk to yourself. Learn that IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!

h)   Try all means to survive this.

image source: internet

However, does this end here? No, this is where it all starts. It is very important for a person to be in touch with oneself. And after being dragged into places that you can never imagine, it becomes way too difficult to get back there with yourself. But hold on! Why would you be suffering for a crime committed by someone else? Are you telling me, it was your fault that you were late going home that night? Or that your neckline was too deep for him to handle? Or that you went drinking with him after work? Or that you are open and frank as a person? Or that none was there in your house that day? Or that you are a woman who has breasts and vagina that attract men? Or that you are a small shy boy who doesn't know to say NO? Are you reasoning your rape, molestation and assault with these?

"And when he was on top of me, I couldn't see a single flicker. It was a pleasure to him. Pleasure at the cost of my body, my dignity and everything."

Let me make it very clear to you, being RAPED has nothing to do with your character, behaviour, clothes and the time of the day. And it is the most crucial part to understand and accept. The next thing is to know that you are way bigger than the rape. Yes, your life and you should not be defined by any incident; and rape is one of them. While the above 8 points talked about what are the correct steps to take, I guess we need more than that.

First of all, I believe and truly stand by the choice or decision that a rape victim takes, that is either to go and report it on the record or choose to be silent. While I believe there has to be justice and that the ones who commit the crime should be given their rightful fate, I also believe the victim has the choice to keep it to themselves.  Our society sometimes has a funny way to justify criminals and reason with victims. And the laws are often modified according to gender, age and many other criteria. So, in this case, if the victim thinks that they don’t want to go about for justice, it is understandable. However, on a personal note, letting the person who shattered you into pieces shouldn't be allowed to be free at all.

image source: internet

Next, is finding a way to bring back your soul to your body. You would be frightened, but you have to do it. You've got to hold yourself and pull it together and be what you have been. Because when one day you come out of it, you will be a whole stronger person. Here I would like to mention Oprah Winfrey, one of the most powerful women of our times. Oprah was raped when she was just 9-year old. but she is nowhere about the rape. In fact, she has carved herself into the woman she is today with all that she had been through.

Once I and a very dear friend of mine were discussing rape and suddenly he asked, “What will you do if you are raped?” I stared at him; I thought why a friend would even think that way. But then I realized that it was a simple question.  Like we think about impending robbery, road accidents or death, we can think about rape too.

When I Googled rape statistics of India, I found a statement that said: “92 women raped in India every day” in 2014. That gave me goosebumps. Wikipedia says rape is the fourth common crime against women in India. The data, the statements, the news reports, the marches, the sentences don’t matter in front of the victims.  From a 70-year old woman to a 5-year old child, we hear rape stories everywhere.

I am tired of seeing banners and posters saying “We want justice” followinga rape tragedy. I am tired of seeing socialites stating the rights of women. And I am hell tired of courts fighting for “juvenile” rapists.

There are family members looking for a chance to molest their own children. There are neighbours who might have seen you grow, however, might end up molesting you. There have been gang rapes, rapes by friends, and of course rapes by men who are, according to them, protecting their religion. Going through the internet about rape stories, I happened to come across this news piece on the Women in the World Summit, in Kurdish with activist Feryal Pirali as her translator. It showcased the plights of a Yazidi woman Shireen  Ibrahim, enslaved by the ISIS. She shared her story about her experience while being an ISIS captive. Ibrahim said she was never raped, but was subjected to abuse. Once, after she tried to escape, her captors “did every bad thing they could do to me.”

Also, in the show, the activist Feryal Pirali who was also the translator, stated that a friend of her was pregnant during an ISIS assault and wasn't able to flee. Pirali revealed that they opened her friend’s stomach and took out the foetus. “They raped the baby, and they raped her, and they thought she was dead, so they left her behind." [1]

We are in a time that is no more humane, it has become monstrous.  I don’t think the world has been this uglier ever. So we all, irrespective of our age, colour, and gender, have to be prepared for every bad thing. We should educate our children, we should educate ourselves because I feel scared to board a cab alone at night, to talk frankly to a guy friend, or to even trust a guy chosen by my parents. This world has been scary, for me, for all of us. And that’s why I chose not to say another rape story, but to prepare ourselves from RAPES.

"On the 3rd day after she was being raped, she finally got up from her bed. She brought the wooden stool right below the fan, took her dupatta and tied it tightly around her nose and mouth. She thought to clean her room before starting off with a new life!"